Do you think this sounds intresting?

[technaut]

Me and some friends are making a role-playing-game for the computer. we made a short storyline, and we want to know what you think. please be blunt. be sure to post your thoughts AND vote.

Long ago, the hero Mutsuhito saved the mage school Arvenden from the evil red dragons and their king, the dark lord Kai-Nakota. The dark lord was seeking the information contained in the Great Libary, the one place where all mortal knowledge lies. Along with the mortal knowledge is the Inner Sanctum, the place where knowledge from the immortal realm lies. Among this information is the secret way to create a portal to the physical world. Using it, the dark lord could sommon the Dieshadi, demon wraiths, to suplement his army of dragons. Mutsuhito, knowing the dark lords plan, used a blade he made himself from the knowledge in the Great Libary. Into it he poured everything good he knew. He raised a army of 100,000 men to assult the dark lord's fortress. Fighting his way inside, he struck the dark lord with the blade. Upon impact it shattered, weakning Die-Nakota, but not killing him. He retreated to another plane to heal himself. Mutsuhito, mortaly wounded in the battle, died there. The dragon army fled, and all returned to normal. Until now. It's been 500 years, and the dark lord is ready to try again. You, Mutsuhito's hier, must make the journey he did, and create another sword of power to combat this menace. You are not alone in this venture, however. Early in your life your parents were killed by a cowarly thief who entered your house during the night. Your father, getting up to releive himself, startled the burgler on his way back to his bedroom. He fought the thief unarmed. He was beating the burgler when the he managed to pull a dagger, stabbing your father mortaly. The thief, angered by your father's beating, grabed your mother who was by the door. She had come running at the commotion caused by the fight. The thief killed her while your father watched, unable to help. He lived long enough for his neighbor to summon the town gaurd. After relating the story of the robery, he died. The Commander of the local garrison, who was your fathers best freind, raised you in his house. Growing up, you were trained in the arts of combat. At the age of 16, you joined the ranks of the secret agents employed by the Emporer to keep the peace. At the request of His Magesty, you will embark on the same quest as Mutsuhito, to kill Kie-Nokata. This time, you must do it right. To this end, the Emporer gives you money and weapons to help you, and tells you to recruit whoever you want. Your mission begins in the village of Elindale. Choose your companions wisely, as they must be willing to follow you to their deaths in this dangerous mission...

[LP-Shirl]

The Bookworms Lunchbox is for book discussions. Things you write personally go in the Author's Auditorium. That way people know you'd like feedback on it.
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"You Cant Keep Going to the Chicken Coop with Blah Blah on Your Mind When All You Have is Hot Sauce in Your Glove Compartment."

[oasis]

Well... to be blunt but not harsh: It's been done.

The story's sounding pretty good, but after reading sooooooo many storyline ideas (at the creation asylum), it just seems to sinc up with what the plainly, idealistic rpg storyline is.

... Maybe you could make it a major plot twist and not refer to good or bad guys in the story at all. Just have people playing as the (quote-un-quote) hero, then later on, the player finds out the "hero" they've been playing as is really the hero's enemy?

I don't care if you use the idea or not... just saying: try and make the story extremely original, or else no one's gonna play it. Stay within the RPG lines, but stray as far as you can from the "usual RPG outline" (Hero saves the world... father's son lives up to something... defeat the evil guy... etc).

Yeah, the place I mentioned before, the creation asylum, is a great place for game creation using RPG Maker 2003. I dunno what you guys are gonna be using, but the people at that place could help you get on your way, whichever maker you choose to go with.

---So much for he bluntness... but I hope this helps.
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[katharsys]

the names are soooo manga!! so if u plan to creat manga characters, that is ok. if not, please change the names.

[technaut]

[oasis]