rushfan
Lifeless Person
Joined: 13 Nov 2005
Posts: 636
|
 Posted: Fri Apr 07, 2006 4:14 pm Post subject: Satire: "Bust Auctions off Bill of Rights" |
 |
|
Of any writing style, satire is my favorite to read and write. I thought my most recent one was one of my better articles. What do you guys think? I'd appreciate any feedback. Positive, negative, scorching...
| Quote: | Faced with a rising national debt, and continuing trouble spreading democracy, President Bush has announced that he will be auctioning off America's constitutional rights.
"If you're a dictator struggling to bring freedom to your country, your citizens too can have rights thanks to these incredible deals! I've decided that the 1st amendment rights can no longer go to waste in America, where they're not used anyhow, so I'm giving them away with ZERO DOWN and ZERO PERCENT INTEREST, with no payments until 2009."
Citizens too can purchase these rights. Muslim clerics have already
purchased the freedom of religion from the 1st amendment. "This whole freedom or religion has caused me nothing but headaches, so I've decided to just buy the rights to it and destroy it once and for all," cleric Abu Hamza al-Masri declared.
North Korean leader Kim Jong Il has purchased freedom of speech because, "I never want a citizen of my country to be afraid to spread the glories of communism, or protest the evils of capitalism," he said. "My country does not believe in wasting cash, so it was natural we bought it, as it was the best priced." So far it has been locked away in a secret vault, but government officials assured foreign journalists that the citizens will have access to it.
No governments have been interested in buying the fourth amendment, however the ACLU is scrambling to collect donations to buy it. Some investors suggested the ACLU bid on the 2nd amendment as well, to ensure they can defend any rights they buy, however the ACLU responded that, "We've never considered gun ownership an important right, and we don't see any reason why we would need it now."
Other notable bids include the NSA's three billion dollar offer for the fifth amendment, promising to spread it all over the universe. "Using our military satellites, we are going to put it into a protective capsule and send it millions of light-years away. This is our generous gift to sprouting alien civilizations, to spread our appreciation of criminal justice."
"This auction is truly once in a lifetime and this is your chance to really own a part of history. We've even discovered previously unknown rights, such as rumored but never before confirmed 9th and 10th amendments, and these true collectibles will be auctioned off as well."
Each right will come with a certificate of authenticity, and Bush has told the world to stay tuned for future auctioning of government branches, and separation of powers. |
|
|
Forum FAQs 
Knowledge Base 
Memberlist 
Usergroups 
Hosting
Register
Donate 
Profile 
Log in 
