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prownced glitter

Joined: 18 Mar 2005 Posts: 576 Location: over the rainbow
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Posted: Mon Feb 05, 2007 5:07 pm Post subject: Upside down Umbrellas... (poem) |
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Upside down Umbrellas house Rainbows
Carry an umbrella upside down
to catch your tears
Sing a lullaby to the rain
when the sky clears
Mend a dress in reverse
with a set of shears
Snuff a candle backwards
to ease your fears
Hide your colors proudly
to cover the smears
Forget there is no one way
to spend your years
And leave the umbrella
to catch your tears
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Opinions are really appreciated, since I'm hoping to illustrate this and use it in a portfolio. (It looks much better and seems more sensical when it's centered though...)
Written for my Writer's Craft class. _________________ Meow. |
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WhiteRabbit1313 Grandmaster Poster

Joined: 26 Aug 2006 Posts: 252 Location: Sylvania, OH
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Posted: Mon Feb 12, 2007 8:18 pm Post subject: |
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Great expression. It goes along smoothly, and it rhymes sensibly. I absolutely love how you repeat the umbrella to catch your tears part. Good work. I'm impressed. _________________ One worries so much about tomorrow, that he does not cherish what he has today. |
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cybermandu Banned
Joined: 25 Feb 2007 Posts: 35
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Posted: Tue Feb 27, 2007 4:12 am Post subject: |
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quite good.
I liked it. _________________ the cyberfreak |
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thunderboltz Hear the thunder!

Joined: 21 Apr 2005 Posts: 1809
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Posted: Tue Feb 27, 2007 8:34 am Post subject: |
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Yes, the part about having umbrellas to catch your tears really entertains. Its a fantastic composition. Good job. Would like to see it in its complete state (that is, with a few more stanzas). _________________ LiVinG iN a DemOcraTicalLy eleCtEd CoMmunIsT stAtE |
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Neil Lifeless Indian
Joined: 18 Feb 2005 Posts: 2981
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Posted: Tue Feb 27, 2007 2:56 pm Post subject: |
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| It really does flow. The concept is creative and it gives the reader something to think about while he/she reads. Nice job. |
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prownced glitter

Joined: 18 Mar 2005 Posts: 576 Location: over the rainbow
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Posted: Thu Mar 01, 2007 8:09 am Post subject: |
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Thanks guys, your comments are much appreciated! ^_^
And as for seeing it in a completed state, this was the length I intended it to be, so I highly doubt there will be anything else added, (unless I'm struck by some random inspiration, heh.) _________________ Meow. |
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