Well, seeing as this is a lunchbox, lets see waht would ...

[obizbu]

happen if a book were really to be digested

Minding my own business, I am sitting in my box, right out of the oven, one day, when I get this jolt. Before I knew it I was spinning in a hail of electrons. I was melted and burned in every part of my body. My skin secreted an oily gooey substance. Before long I was looking at big white daggers waiting to pierce me into pieces. I was picked up from the plate, and my attacker said, “I am going to masticate you now” and took a big bite out of me. His teeth started slicing and dicing me into pieces and smaller pieces. I was cozignant that he was attempting to mechanically digest me with those horrible teeth but I was not about to surrender without a struggle. I tried to fight back but was helpless when he knocked me up and down against his upper palate with this tongue. He finally won the battle and saliva attacked me like a guerilla soldier. The saliva started to lubricate me and covered me with salivary amylase. The amylase started to split my starch and carbohydrates into sugar by chemical digestion. Then the tongue took me and pressed me down the pharynx and the epiglottis closed the tube I was aiming for and so I was forced to go down the esophagus and it was all downward from that point on. After being pushed so rudely, I went down the esophagus with all these wavy bumps called peristalsis. From that bumpy voyage I arrived at my attacker’s stomach through the lower esophageal sphincter. In the stomach I waited in one place for a long time and got bored, but that did not last for long. The walls of the stomach started constricting because the stomach had reached its full capacity. The rugae had disappeared because the stomach was distended with all of the victuals that this enormous person had devoured. The contractions bashed the existence out of me and I was once again being mechanically digested. If that torture wasn’t enough, the mucous and parietal cells in the gastric glands secreted gastric juice through the gastric pits to come and attack me even more. Out of all the parts of this yellow liquid that hurt most was the hydrochloric acid, which was dished out by the parietal cells. Pepsinogen and Hydrochloric acid combined their powers to become an even more powerful and insidious pepsin. Pepsinogen was helpless without hydrochloric acid because hydrochloric acid helps convert pepsinogen to pepsin (which is simply the active form of pepsinogen). Mucous cells secreted mucous, which lined the stomach of my attacker but did not do me any good. With all of these chemicals and the acidic environment the tremendously malicious pepsin started breaking down all of the proteins in my body and I was in the process of being chemically digested…I could not hold in my pain! Whilst all of this went on, I saw the intrinsic factor waiting for me like the grim reaper because he wanted to steal my vitamins for the small intestine. After this ferocious massacre, I became a mess of semi liquid fluid called chyme. The stomach then proceeded to push me into the pyloric canal through the pyloric sphincter into the shortest piece of the small intestine named the duodenum, where the main digestion of food takes place. I was horrified when I plopped into the duodenum because there were three fluids approaching me, fast. The three fluids were intestinal fluid, pancreatic fluid, and bile, respectively. The intestinal lining emitted the intestinal fluid, a large gland called the pancreas secreted the pancreatic fluid, and the bile was secreted by the liver and stored in the gallbladder. The sphincter of oddi didn’t stop the pancreatic juice from flowing into the duodenum, and I was forced to suffer. It let the juice pass and come attack me with all of those other juices. In the pancreatic juice there were many many enzymes that were striving to crack me down and it felt like a million daggers trying to tear me apart even more. The first dagger was pitched by the pancreatic lipase. It wanted to take all of my triglyceride fats and break them into smaller fatty acids and monoglycerides. Then the zymogenic cells in the pancreas released the two ninjas trypsin and chemotrypsin who broke apart all of my proteins. Then came another pair of martial arts experts called nucleases and we had an old fashioned hoe down. Since they were experts, they were the victors of the battle and broke down all of my nucleic acid molecules into nucleotides. Then the gallbladder released the Green gangster called bile, which came to do its part of the destruction. The Green Gangster launched its weapons of pizza destruction at me called Bile Salts. Those wicked bile salts broke up my fat globules into smaller droplets. At last, when I thought all was done and over with, the small intestine released its own army of fierce enzymes, which were entrenched in the membranes of the naive microvilli. This militia was hacking me apart in all directions. The peptidases broke my peptides into amino acids; the sucrase, maltase, and lactase broke down my sucrose, maltose, and lactose into glucose, fructose, and galactose, respectively. In the midst of this, I myself felt like a giant toasted tose. After this, the lipase launched its own-armed assault. I was entirely busted apart and my fats were further turned into fatty acids and glycerol. While I was progressing through this genocide I saw intestinal bacteria fighting other bacteria, while breaking me down, to keep this creature in fine physical condition. At this time, I was at the end of the mobile part of the small intestine called the jejunum. There I saw villi and microvilli increasing the surface area of the intestine, in order to help it take in digestive products and are also in the duodenum. When I was near the villi, it came and sucked up my nutrients, vitamins, and minerals; and the lacteal acted like a getaway car to take all of those precious treasures away to the blood. There was a large amount of space in the small intestine because even the plicae circulares got in on the action of increasing the surface area. After that, I was a nothing, all my riches were taken away from me, and I had been broken. I had lost everything, and was quite depressed. I picked up the mess that was left of my body and went to the last mobile portion of the small intestine called the ileum. When I reached there, the kind ileocecal valve let me through into the large intestine. I was scared of the large intestine and wanted to go back into the small intestine, but the kind ileocecal valve turned into a monstrous meanie and blocked me. I had felt a sense of déjà vu in the small intestine because it moved me along with the same wavy contractions as the esophagus and other parts of the alimentary canal. As much as I had lost of my body because of the small intestine, I still missed those waves; they gave me a sense of security for some reason. The part of the Large intestine that I fell into seemed like a dilated pouch and was called the cecum. While I was moving through cecum, a lonely structure called the vermiform appendix, which was lazily sitting there doing nothing, caught my eye. It was very nice to me and didn’t attack me in any way. I noticed a new thing while I was traveling down the large intestine with wavy contractions. It looked like the large intestine had sacs unseen before this called Haustra. They had formed in among the smooth muscle bands called taeniae coli. I went through a roller coaster in the large intestine called the colon and came out an altered chunk. I went through the ascending portion, and then turned left right before the liver into the transverse portion, which was the longest and most daunting part. Right after the spleen I went through a big drop into the descending colon and then I went up and down the sigmoid colon into the rectum. Right before I went into the rectum, the intestinal bacteria mafia was anticipating to strip me clean. After they did their job, I was sent into the rectum and that was the right place for me to be because the large intestine had absorbed all of my water and electrolytes. I sat there for a little while until the creature’s internal anal sphincter opened below me involuntarily like a trap door. I went through defecation as the boy took a deep breath and voluntarily contracted his external anal sphincter. I fell out of his body and was engulfed by a pool of cold water. The next thing I knew I was swirling away from this place and the boy’s body disappeared.
Now I live in the sewer with my wife and children.

[gd_rulz]

ok, that was really weird. how long did it take you to type that out?
_________________
Sabotage (my band)

[emszone]

Ok that was really very weird. But cool. What gave you the idea to do that ?
Mossy